Tis the Season for Lots of Pressure

In the weeks leading up to Christmas and New Year's Eve, I find myself carefully planning out gifts and which events I'll be attending. I accept invitations, plot my outfits, and calculate how much money I can afford to spend on gifts and parties. I love spending the holidays with my friends and families, I really love going to parties filled with said friends and family, and I absolutely love giving gifts to those I love the most. With that being said, between the commercials, the Christmas music, and the Christmas countdown (on almost every TV channel), there is so much pressure to do the holiday season right.

Let's start with Christmas: you're expected to buy gifts for your family and friends. Certainly, you may have different arrangements with your family and friends, but according to just about every media outlet, you're expected to come up with the perfect gift for each person in your life. Gift-giving is supposed to be about finding something special for your someone special, because you want to show that person how much he/she means to you. Giving a gift is an opportunity to say "thank you" or "I love you" or even "You're awesome - here's a gift!" But it's becoming increasingly difficult to do that during the holiday season without feeling stressed and anxious.

Gift-giving guides and in-store arrangements suggest that this is the "perfect gift for mom" or that your boyfriend needs a new watch, not that book you know he's been gushing about for the past few months. There are gift-giving guides according to how much you want to spend -- as if you monetary value correlates to how important someone is in your life: $500 for mom, $300 for your brother, $200 for your sister who you've been fighting with, $400 for your dog because he is your best friend, naturally. However, this is hardly representative of the purpose of gift-giving or of the intricacies of your relationships. After all, isn't it the thought that counts? 

The over-commercialization of Christmas and the over-sharing of social media makes for a big mess of it all. You aren't just giving your gift in the quiet comfort of your home. Your gift may have to stack up to everyone else's gifts on Instagram or Facebook. I've seen Facebook posts boasting about Christmas and Hanukkah gifts, or Instagram pictures proudly revealing said Christmas loot. Throw in the fact that almost every website, blog, and store has a gift-giving guide which, though very helpful at times, seem to take the thought out of giving gifts in the first place and suggest what is the best gifts for the people in you life that they don't even know. 

There's so much pressure to get the gift right  or to buy the most presents. But the pressure doesn't stop there. The gift-giving might come to an end after Christmas, but New Year's Eve opens a whole new can of worms. New Year's Eve is arguably the most important party night of the year. It's your one chance to leap into the new year at your most fabulous, ensuring that the year to follow is one equally as fabulous as the party you attend in order to ring it in. It's one night. One night! You have to have your dress ready, champagne chilled, cover charges paid, and a cool party to attend -- not to mention, it needs to be fun. That is a lot to ask for. And it's not that it can't be done. New Year's Eve was once one of my favorite holidays, but that was because I spent in in the company of friends sans cover charge and in my pajamas. 

When you put so much money, effort, and energy into one night, building it up so as expecting it to be one of the best nights of your year (and last nights!), you're bound to set unrealistic expectations that end in a slump the next day as you nurse your hangover, and for some of us, human bites. Again, this is a night that's going to be on display. Expect pictures documenting every half hour of the night to appear on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, so you better make sure that your hair looks good, you're parting with attractive people, and you're somewhere fabulous.

How can we just enjoy the night without letting all of the pressure -- the pressure that we have to have fun and have an amazing night -- get to us? Maybe it starts with lowering our expectations, or maybe it just starts with lowering the cover charges to get into all of these places. Either way, I think it starts with remembering what the night is at its very core: New Year's Eve. This goes for Christmas too. What are these holidays in their most basic definition? Even if you aren't religious, both holidays, and all holidays for that matter, are an excuse and a celebration to be with the people you care about the most, or to be with people that could potentially turn into the ones you care about most. These holidays are a time to showcase our love for each other and enjoy each other's company over great food, a bit of bubbly, and hopefully, some festive music. I think once we recognize what's beneath all of the bells and whistles, the advertisements, and hype, we can enjoy the season and relax. FINALLY.

In Defense of Valentine's Day

from someecards

Single ladies, get your Netflix queued up with chick flicks and have the wine handy. Non-single ladies, be prepared for a sub-par romantic attempt on behalf of your significant other to acknowledge my favorite (and only) time of the year to binge on heart-shaped, chocolate-covered marshmallows. Rejoice – it’s everyone’s favorite holiday: Valentine’s Day!

PSYCHE! Of all of the year’s holidays, I’d be willing to bet that Valentine’s Day is the most hated – not because it kicks the single population while they’re down (assuming they’re even “down” – being single ain’t so bad, kids), but because it seems to exist for no real apparent reason other than to fuel greeting card sales during an otherwise dismal month. Aren’t we supposed to celebrate love every day? Shouldn’t we be buying cheesy teddy bears and heart-shaped boxes of chocolates for our loved ones at all times of the year?

Last night, a good friend of mine called me up to chat as we were both stuck in horrendous Boston traffic. He told me that he hates Valentine’s Day – despite the fact that he has a girlfriend. He just doesn’t see the point. Of course, he cited my previous reasons (as many other guys do): he does nice things for his girlfriend every other day out of the year, so why does he, deliberately and preparedly, have to do something just because it is February 14^th? Certainly, St. Valentine wasn’t going around marrying people in hopes that one day his act of kindness and courage would be commemorated with the exchange of Justin Bieber greeting cards between lovestruck tweens.

My friend has a point. All of one’s romance shouldn’t be saved up for one occasion, just because CVS has lined its aisles in pink- and red-themed candy on a particular day in February. However, I told my friend that he couldn’t not acknowledge Valentine’s Day – especially when his girlfriend had already remarked that she loved the holiday. Sure, there is no law that says Valentine’s Day must be observed, but we all know it’s happening, so why not indulge a little bit? If you enjoy doing nice things for your significant other, then why would you be bothered about doing another nice thing for him/her (however small or grand the gesture may be)?

I’ll admit, it’s always better when one’s motives for being romantic are a bit more organic, but Valentine’s Day has carved out a specific time in the year for some QT with you and your partner-in-crime. What's wrong with one day out of the year that encourages and endorses romance and acting on romance? Don’t take it all so seriously and just use it as an excuse for more loving, touching and squeezing.

As my title suggests, I'm sure it’s clear that I actually like Valentine’s Day. Granted, I like all holidays in general. Let’s be serious – do I strike you as someone who would turn down a celebration of any sort? I actually don’t have any Valentine’s Day plans tonight, though. Yes, I do currently have a boyfriend, but things come up, people are busy, and there just isn’t the time for that horse-drawn-carriage around the ‘burbs after a long shift at work. However, we will be celebrating Valentine’s Day at a later date, because I do think it is important to carve out time for the ones you like/love (whether it is a new beau, all of your closest pals, or a furry friend).  In the meantime, if you are looking for me, I will be at CVS buying their entire stock of Valentine’s Day themed chocolate.

And I will leave you with this...

I suggest you do what the video recommends at the end...

Nothing says "I love you" like emailing your sweetheart a cat video via YouTube.

New Year's Eve Revelries

someecards - always accurately commenting on my life

When I was younger, New Year's Eve was one of my favorite holidays. After all for most kids, there are few days when you're encouraged to stay up into the wee hours of the morning, eat lots of snacks and be surrounded by lots of intoxicated adults. However, as I became "of age," the sparkle and pizzazz that seemed to associate itself with New Year's Eve dulled, and I was left with a burgeoning sense of dread over paying for sky-rocketing cover charges and partying with my obnoxious peers. Last year, I had ventured into Boston, sequin-clad and naive. I didn't have enough vodka cranberries to render the evening enjoyable and my six-inch platforms prevented me from wearing anything other than my Uggs for the next few days after that night. 

This year, I knew I couldn't do that again. All I wanted to do was curl up on my couch and watch movies, despite the fact that I had already purchased myself a black sequin romper (yes, that's a real thing) for this year's holiday. My brother promptly informed me that I was basically disgracing my age group and that these were my only years for care-free partying and reckless behavior as I indulged in overpriced soirees (maybe not so eloquently...) So I had to decide: go out or stay in?

As much as every inch of me wanted to put on my onesie PJs and cuddle up with my dog, my sequin-romper was already purchased and hanging neatly in my closet, beckoning me to go out and play. Luckily, my closest friend had a suggestion that silenced "lazy me" -- we would go to a local bar that I have frequented on many prior occasions and spend the night at my boyfriend's, dodging the inconvenience and expense of a late night in the city, but still allowing us to get dressed up. We could avoid the $75 cover charge, $20 drinks, $50+ cab ride AND not be squeezed shoulder to shoulder in a bar, making friends with the sweaty bodies we would be forced to rub up against. It was a very good compromise and the old miser in me could agree to it.

These much more casual plans seemed fool-proof: meet up with friends, walk to the bar, have some good, old-fashioned, adult fun, then walk back to the apartment later in the evening -- hopefully, with the promise of laughs and dancing in between. But as with many carefully laid-out plans, something was likely to go awry.  

I suppose I shouldn't let this whole post be too misleading -- 90% of the night was SO much fun. I was surrounded by some great people, getting to know some new friends better while spending time with some old, familiar faces. But, like any night at a bar, the more alcohol consumed, the more likely for people to make some questionable decisions and act a bit more foolishly. I tend to giggle excessively, get really tired and eventually, get over-dramatic when drinking, but I was only at the point where I was giggling and everything was awesome for the majority of the night. However, once we rang in the New Year with hugs and kisses, the night went from carefree to annoying.

It was pretty standard as far as intoxicated girls go, minus the hair-holding. Someone drinks a bit too much and the other, slightly less drunk, is left to tend to her. This becomes borderline babysitting and can really put a damper on whatever buzz you have going on. In this case, I became the babysitter. My friend, who has since apologized (and been forgiven), was one such object of babysitting, as she is teeny-tiny and thus, incapable of having as many drinks as some of us other folk (myself NOT included). Nevertheless, at one point, I found myself outside, coatless, trying to coax my dear friend off of the ground. I clearly was not persuasive, as my friend decided to grab the hand I was offering to her and chomp down on one of my fingers -- think "Charlie Bit Me," except with two overdressed, tipsy girls. My boyfriend had come outside to give me my coat and witnessed this whole debacle, and after we finally ushered my friend off the ground and back into the bar, I then proceeded to cry. Yes, I was that girl, crying outside of a bar on New Year's Eve. The year before may have been a bit anti-climatic and not as fun, but this year, I was crying.

Things just went downhill after that. I was trying to make sure my friend got home safely via cab, after her first attempt at getting into a cab home was unsuccessful, while trying to make sure that my other friends weren't getting annoyed by having to deal with this situation. There was some falling off of stools, and then there was crying from my friend (we can all relate to being lonely and nostalgic for an ex-boyfriend on holidays, am I right? Hence, the tears), and then there was the added complication of trying to get a cab... Just to name a few issues towards the end of the night. Eventually, once I got my friend safely en route back to her apartment, I met up with my boyfriend and other friend, and proceeded to cry all the way back to his apartment. I was tired. I was a bit irritated. And even more so, I felt bad because I just wanted my friend to appreciate my efforts for the night. All the while crying, my finger throbbed and my friend's teeth marks prominently engraved themselves in my skin as a reminder of my ill-fated earlier attempt at drunk-sitting my friend.

I suppose, looking back on all of this, that I made out with considerably less drama than most people encounter during their New Year's Eve. There wasn't any puking (a New Year's miracle) or bar fights. The only evidence I had the following morning of my dramatic end to the evening was a swollen finger and a headache, presumably caused by a hangover and too much crying. At the very least, I rung in 2013 happy and excited, only to be knocked off of that perch a mere hour later after being bitten. It was a good hour though and all has been forgiven since then. After all, I made a few new friends that night (who probably don't remember me now...) AND got myself an amusing story (my friend bit my finger...come on).

What's the plan for December 31, 2013, then? I always condemn myself for waiting until the last minute to make New Year's Eve plans (I made plans the night before this year) so maybe I can use what little foresight I have now to plan something maybe even a few weeks prior to the date. Hopefully, I can avoid being mauled by my friend, and perhaps, even break out the sequin-romper again....

Wishful thinking.

In the Wake of My Post-Holiday Money Hangover

from someecards.com - so wise

If there was a Pepto Bismol that could cure the post-holiday money hangover, then I would need it. Maybe I should have taken my own advice and bought more budget-friendly gifts, or maybe I just need to have a budget. Period. Either way, I look at my bank account and wonder where did it all go wrong? I had good intentions. There were smiles on everyone's faces along the way. Yet, somehow, in the midst of my Christmas merriment and gift-giving haze, I left myself with an abysmal excuse for a bank account. Time to pick myself off of the proverbial bathroom floor, take two Advil and snap out of it.

Do I regret giving the gifts that I gave? Not necessarily. Like I've said before, there's nothing I enjoy more than giving gifts and watching my recipients' excited reactions. But at the same time, I realize that I am in this strange, strange place in regards to managing my money. On the one hand, I want to save my money. Isn't that why I have situated myself at home with the "roomies" for the time being? I wanted to give myself the opportunity to get myself in a better financial situation and prepare for post-life-with-the-parents. I've accumulated a decent amount of savings and even have a 401K started -- so maybe I'm not completely hopeless.

However, on the other hand, I have this uncontrollable urge to spend, spend, spend. Sure, you might be saying that I am a walking, talking, functional shopaholic, but I assure you, my desire to spend does not stem from the satisfying excitement of a new purchase (okay, maybe a little bit...) I think most of this wanting to spend -- especially on gifts for people -- comes from the fact that I have never had this sort of income before and can afford to do things and buy things. Yes, I am making an entry-level salary, but still, it sure beats getting paid minimum wage at the mall. For once, I have a steady income that allows me some wiggle room. I don't have to save up for months on end to buy one Abercrombie and Fitch shirt like I needed to when I was 14 years old. Instead, there are quite a few purchases that are within my reach, especially when you factor in a lack of major financial responsibilities. I have minimal bills to pay, since my "roomies" have been kind enough to let me crash at their place for a while, and because of that, I don't have to make the crucial decision between food for dinner and that little black dress I probably don't need.

But in this post-holiday-haze and with the approaching new year, I realize that if I want to become the adult I want to be, I should probably start by reflecting on my own spending habits. In the end, I know it is a matter of moderation: living within my means, making smart choices, putting money away to save, etc. and whatever else that gal Suze Orman suggests. However, I recognize (and you should too) that it is okay to spend some of that money you're working so hard for (and yes, that includes the hard work you put into making your boss coffee or copying hundreds of documents for hours on end.) Why have money if you're not necessarily going to use it? If you're like me, you're twenty-something and craving a bit of fun and adventure, but unfortunately, many fun and adventurous things and activities require a bit of money. So what? Plan in advance, put a little money aside, and go for it. Don't feel guilty.

I think part of being an adult is being able to recognize when spending money is worth it and when saving money is worth it. Saving money, for me, is worth it when you have an end goal in sight -- an apartment, a vacation, a car, retirement, etc. I don't think I'd be able to put as much money away if I didn't constantly think about having that particular dream apartment or going on an exotic getaway and reminding myself that it will be worth it. However, spending money is okay too -- and good for the economy! Splurge on things that you love and will last, but also realize that little things like a candy bar or nail polish can satisfy that urge to treat yourself to something special (and honestly, what is better than a Reese's Cup or Milky Way?)

It is all another one of life's great lessons and finding a balance between being a Scrooge and being an absolute money pushover. I don't think I can commit to balancing budgets as my new year's resolution -- I want something realistic and with less of a learning curve. However, I think being aware of what I'm spending my money on and why is the first step to getting my finances in order and lessening the blow of all of those big purchases. In the mean time, I will be determinedly gathering my funds together for some sort of expensive pair of shoes. A girl can dream...