Tis the Season for Lots of Pressure

In the weeks leading up to Christmas and New Year's Eve, I find myself carefully planning out gifts and which events I'll be attending. I accept invitations, plot my outfits, and calculate how much money I can afford to spend on gifts and parties. I love spending the holidays with my friends and families, I really love going to parties filled with said friends and family, and I absolutely love giving gifts to those I love the most. With that being said, between the commercials, the Christmas music, and the Christmas countdown (on almost every TV channel), there is so much pressure to do the holiday season right.

Let's start with Christmas: you're expected to buy gifts for your family and friends. Certainly, you may have different arrangements with your family and friends, but according to just about every media outlet, you're expected to come up with the perfect gift for each person in your life. Gift-giving is supposed to be about finding something special for your someone special, because you want to show that person how much he/she means to you. Giving a gift is an opportunity to say "thank you" or "I love you" or even "You're awesome - here's a gift!" But it's becoming increasingly difficult to do that during the holiday season without feeling stressed and anxious.

Gift-giving guides and in-store arrangements suggest that this is the "perfect gift for mom" or that your boyfriend needs a new watch, not that book you know he's been gushing about for the past few months. There are gift-giving guides according to how much you want to spend -- as if you monetary value correlates to how important someone is in your life: $500 for mom, $300 for your brother, $200 for your sister who you've been fighting with, $400 for your dog because he is your best friend, naturally. However, this is hardly representative of the purpose of gift-giving or of the intricacies of your relationships. After all, isn't it the thought that counts? 

The over-commercialization of Christmas and the over-sharing of social media makes for a big mess of it all. You aren't just giving your gift in the quiet comfort of your home. Your gift may have to stack up to everyone else's gifts on Instagram or Facebook. I've seen Facebook posts boasting about Christmas and Hanukkah gifts, or Instagram pictures proudly revealing said Christmas loot. Throw in the fact that almost every website, blog, and store has a gift-giving guide which, though very helpful at times, seem to take the thought out of giving gifts in the first place and suggest what is the best gifts for the people in you life that they don't even know. 

There's so much pressure to get the gift right  or to buy the most presents. But the pressure doesn't stop there. The gift-giving might come to an end after Christmas, but New Year's Eve opens a whole new can of worms. New Year's Eve is arguably the most important party night of the year. It's your one chance to leap into the new year at your most fabulous, ensuring that the year to follow is one equally as fabulous as the party you attend in order to ring it in. It's one night. One night! You have to have your dress ready, champagne chilled, cover charges paid, and a cool party to attend -- not to mention, it needs to be fun. That is a lot to ask for. And it's not that it can't be done. New Year's Eve was once one of my favorite holidays, but that was because I spent in in the company of friends sans cover charge and in my pajamas. 

When you put so much money, effort, and energy into one night, building it up so as expecting it to be one of the best nights of your year (and last nights!), you're bound to set unrealistic expectations that end in a slump the next day as you nurse your hangover, and for some of us, human bites. Again, this is a night that's going to be on display. Expect pictures documenting every half hour of the night to appear on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, so you better make sure that your hair looks good, you're parting with attractive people, and you're somewhere fabulous.

How can we just enjoy the night without letting all of the pressure -- the pressure that we have to have fun and have an amazing night -- get to us? Maybe it starts with lowering our expectations, or maybe it just starts with lowering the cover charges to get into all of these places. Either way, I think it starts with remembering what the night is at its very core: New Year's Eve. This goes for Christmas too. What are these holidays in their most basic definition? Even if you aren't religious, both holidays, and all holidays for that matter, are an excuse and a celebration to be with the people you care about the most, or to be with people that could potentially turn into the ones you care about most. These holidays are a time to showcase our love for each other and enjoy each other's company over great food, a bit of bubbly, and hopefully, some festive music. I think once we recognize what's beneath all of the bells and whistles, the advertisements, and hype, we can enjoy the season and relax. FINALLY.

In the Wake of My Post-Holiday Money Hangover

from someecards.com - so wise

If there was a Pepto Bismol that could cure the post-holiday money hangover, then I would need it. Maybe I should have taken my own advice and bought more budget-friendly gifts, or maybe I just need to have a budget. Period. Either way, I look at my bank account and wonder where did it all go wrong? I had good intentions. There were smiles on everyone's faces along the way. Yet, somehow, in the midst of my Christmas merriment and gift-giving haze, I left myself with an abysmal excuse for a bank account. Time to pick myself off of the proverbial bathroom floor, take two Advil and snap out of it.

Do I regret giving the gifts that I gave? Not necessarily. Like I've said before, there's nothing I enjoy more than giving gifts and watching my recipients' excited reactions. But at the same time, I realize that I am in this strange, strange place in regards to managing my money. On the one hand, I want to save my money. Isn't that why I have situated myself at home with the "roomies" for the time being? I wanted to give myself the opportunity to get myself in a better financial situation and prepare for post-life-with-the-parents. I've accumulated a decent amount of savings and even have a 401K started -- so maybe I'm not completely hopeless.

However, on the other hand, I have this uncontrollable urge to spend, spend, spend. Sure, you might be saying that I am a walking, talking, functional shopaholic, but I assure you, my desire to spend does not stem from the satisfying excitement of a new purchase (okay, maybe a little bit...) I think most of this wanting to spend -- especially on gifts for people -- comes from the fact that I have never had this sort of income before and can afford to do things and buy things. Yes, I am making an entry-level salary, but still, it sure beats getting paid minimum wage at the mall. For once, I have a steady income that allows me some wiggle room. I don't have to save up for months on end to buy one Abercrombie and Fitch shirt like I needed to when I was 14 years old. Instead, there are quite a few purchases that are within my reach, especially when you factor in a lack of major financial responsibilities. I have minimal bills to pay, since my "roomies" have been kind enough to let me crash at their place for a while, and because of that, I don't have to make the crucial decision between food for dinner and that little black dress I probably don't need.

But in this post-holiday-haze and with the approaching new year, I realize that if I want to become the adult I want to be, I should probably start by reflecting on my own spending habits. In the end, I know it is a matter of moderation: living within my means, making smart choices, putting money away to save, etc. and whatever else that gal Suze Orman suggests. However, I recognize (and you should too) that it is okay to spend some of that money you're working so hard for (and yes, that includes the hard work you put into making your boss coffee or copying hundreds of documents for hours on end.) Why have money if you're not necessarily going to use it? If you're like me, you're twenty-something and craving a bit of fun and adventure, but unfortunately, many fun and adventurous things and activities require a bit of money. So what? Plan in advance, put a little money aside, and go for it. Don't feel guilty.

I think part of being an adult is being able to recognize when spending money is worth it and when saving money is worth it. Saving money, for me, is worth it when you have an end goal in sight -- an apartment, a vacation, a car, retirement, etc. I don't think I'd be able to put as much money away if I didn't constantly think about having that particular dream apartment or going on an exotic getaway and reminding myself that it will be worth it. However, spending money is okay too -- and good for the economy! Splurge on things that you love and will last, but also realize that little things like a candy bar or nail polish can satisfy that urge to treat yourself to something special (and honestly, what is better than a Reese's Cup or Milky Way?)

It is all another one of life's great lessons and finding a balance between being a Scrooge and being an absolute money pushover. I don't think I can commit to balancing budgets as my new year's resolution -- I want something realistic and with less of a learning curve. However, I think being aware of what I'm spending my money on and why is the first step to getting my finances in order and lessening the blow of all of those big purchases. In the mean time, I will be determinedly gathering my funds together for some sort of expensive pair of shoes. A girl can dream...