How to Make Friends

Friendships: an important component of our lives from the very first day we meet someone who is neither imaginary (sorry folks) nor our parents. Once we hit school-days, we go on a friend binge -- suddenly, every person you meet has the potential to be your "best friend forever," a phenomenon that happens regardless of whether you're in first grade or a freshman in college. It seems as though every time you enter a new phase in your education, you're faced with the prospect of new friend-making. These people would be your "elementary school friends", your "middle school friends" and then even your "high school friends". Of course, there was overlap if you stayed in one place for your whole life or if many of your friends went on to the same secondary school with you, but each time, you were creating your inner-circle.

 The same thing happened when we went to college. Just think about freshmen orientation, for example: you participate in icebreakers, learn too much about everyone in your group, and then are encouraged to meet as many people as possible in your first few weeks of school with the countless numbers of activities being held for you and your fellow college peons. It is a phase of binge friend-making -- sometimes these friends stick, sometimes they don't, but regardless, within four years, you have now added a group of "college friends" to your relationship repertoire. But outside of these friendship-forging institutions, is there room for new groups of friends?

I constantly think about this as someone who admittedly loves to meet new people, go on first dates and strike up conversations with strangers. How do I integrate these new people into my lives? Is there more room for me in their life that is already divided into "home/high school friends" and "college friends?" Sure, some might say "the more the merrier," but when your loyalties have been to these groups for so long already, is there a way to add your new post-grad friends to the mix? And even more to think about: how do I meet someone and let it be known that I want them to be my new, adult friend?

It may seem silly to think about, but it's not like dating. You meet someone at a bar, it's clear that you two have some sort of attraction, and then you go on a date. Can this happen for making friends? I like the concept of a "friend-date" in theory, but that doesn't mean that the person I want to "friend-date" is going to like it as well -- and more so, they'll probably think I'm a weirdo. But why can't this happen? Essentially, you could meet someone at work, at a bar, in line for coffee, and hit it off. Sure, it isn't romantic chemistry, but it is a sort of friend chemistry, the one where you bond over something and realize that you've developed some sort of rhythm that could translate into a potential friendship. Then what? Can I ask that person to hang out? I feel as though most people would think I am hitting on them -- regardless of gender. 

Don't get me wrong, I have made some friends since graduating, and it did happen organically. Although, I will admit, these were all work-relationships at first. For example, my time spent in retail was made exponentially better by my fellow mall-slaves. We all happened to be the same age, started chatting and took our work-relationship outside of our fish-bowl enclave in the mall and to a restaurant for after dinner drinks. We realized that "hey, this is fun!" so we did it again and eventually we had developed a new friend group -- work friends (despite the fact that few of us actually work there anymore).

But outside of work, how do you do it? I feel like it can be inevitable to befriend someone at your job out of the sheer fact that you spend so much time there and it makes the work experience better. However, friendship can be created outside of the cubicle walls, and how do you take it to the next level -- from well-acquainted stranger to new pals? 

Sometimes I feel like it can be difficult to do this, since people do have many of their friendships in place. Heck, most people already have their best friend set and secured by the time they're ten years old -- how is a new person supposed to weave their way into your life when there is seemingly little to no apparent vacancy? I guess you could counter all of this by saying that if someone wants to be your friend, it will happen and I don't need to go around having this existential friendship crisis, but presumably, people have certain friend roles already filled at a certain point: the best friend role is usually taken early on, as well as all of those other token friend spots (your go-to shopping friend, your go-to partying friend, etc.). Is it even possible for a new friend to have an important role in your life if those roles were given to earlier friends based on longevity? Can someone you just meet have the potential to be a best friend -- even if you don't have years of loyalty (yet)? Similarly, is it possible to become part of an already established friend group, or will you always feel like an outsider?

After all, as post-grads, we're (most likely) in our twenties and that means that we have years and years ahead of us. This also means that we are going to meet many more people in our lifetime and add some more friends to our circle. We are hopefully a bit more wise than we were in years before and are also better equipped to choose our friends and weed out the frenemies. What do you think about making friends as a post-grad? I realize that this post provides more questions and speculation than answers, but I think these questions are all valid. Sure, maybe this all sounds like I'm a whiny loner and am incapable of socializing (this would explain why I have a blog). However, I'm excited about the prospect of adding more friends to my life as I survive the post-grad years. Is it okay for me to apply my skills of "seduction" to the realm of friend-making -- modifying my flirtation to imply a wanted friendship (I know how creepy that sounds)?  Or am I just over-thinking it and need to let things happen organically? I'm assuming I should go with the latter, but given that a friendship is agreed upon, will I ever be able to hold an important role in that person's life as a new friend?

Alright, alright. Enough with my questions, I know. With all of this over-analysis and mumbo-jumbo, I will leave you with this: