Assuming you've been following my blog for the past few months, you know that I have been looking for a job and living at home. While I wonder if you, my avid blog followers, consider me to be simply an unemployed bum mooching off her parents, I'd like to think that we have developed a sense of camraderie over my ups-and-downs in this whole process.
Certainly, with this much unstructured free time, I can tend to go a bit crazy from lack of productivity, but at the same time, I feel like I have made some real progress in my domestic prowess going from just taking up space in the house to being able to actually contribute with baked goods, the occasional dinner and my exceptional ability to do laundry. All of this has led me to contemplate what life would be like if I were to pursue my back-up career path as a trophy wife or "Real Housewife of Suburbia." Sure, I might have my Bachelors degree and am considering pursuing a Masters, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't examine all options, right?
Because of this and my propensity for all things reality TV, I have decided to devote this blog post to my musings on what my life would be like if I were to pursue the role of Suzy Homemaker a la trophy housewife of my neighborhood since I have been practicing my domestic skills as of late.
The children: If you've seen any of the Bravo Housewives, you'd know that they can be a bit over-the-top, for better or for worse. I'm assuming that I would be in the "for worse" category, proving to be the most obnoxious. Take the children, for example. I'm pretty sure I would be that housewife with approximately one child and five nannies. Everyone knows you need one nanny for waking up the child, one nanny for dressing it, one nanny for transporting the child to boarding school, one nanny for handling all of the problems with the child, and one nanny as back-up, because you seriously don't expect me actually to interact with the child. Of course not.
The cooking: I have been practicing for my stint as a trophy wife by learning how to cook -- an essential tool to insuring that my husband and child are well-fed when my professional cook is off-duty. Attire for the times when I bake will be as follows:
As expected, the cooking uniform will also include some sort of fancy designer attire, a pearl or diamond necklace and high heels, which are to be worn all day when attempting to do the chores. Since cooking is one of the few things that I can actually do and as a "real housewife of suburbia" I will most likely not have a job and only engage in charity events, baking and cooking will have to be my claim to fame -- well, that and my charming personality, of course.
All kitchen utensils and appliances will be frivolous and adorable since those are two words that would sum up my daily activities. Note: If I am not going to be productive and going to be a trophy wife, I aim to live a charmed life, starting with anything pink, colorful and sparkly, including above kitchen products.
The cleaning: Now, obviously, I will have a maid, housekeeper, full staff -- what have you -- but on the off chance that I have the urge to pick up a feather duster, I'm going to have to know how to clean. I'd say my strong points are washing dishes and doing the laundry, since both require minimal effort. I've also been known to make a mean bed, fluffing up the pillows and making sure everything looks just so. In this alternative utopian lifestyle as a trophy wife, aesthetics are everything, right down to the throw pillows.
So there you have it, my alternative universe as a "Real Housewife" of anywhere in the suburbs, white-picket fence, cute dog, and "Leave It to Beaver" theme-song included. I, in no way, mean to offend anyone who is actually a "Real Housewife" of somewhere, prefers to be a stay-at-home mom, or actually has a fifty person staff, as this is my imagination running wild due to boredom, lack of chocolate cake and minimal interaction with people other than my parents (oh, and don't forget my tendency towards the sarcastic.)
Just a little day-dreaming on a Friday afternoon to make me almost wish I was running around in heels while vacuuming.
Certainly, with this much unstructured free time, I can tend to go a bit crazy from lack of productivity, but at the same time, I feel like I have made some real progress in my domestic prowess going from just taking up space in the house to being able to actually contribute with baked goods, the occasional dinner and my exceptional ability to do laundry. All of this has led me to contemplate what life would be like if I were to pursue my back-up career path as a trophy wife or "Real Housewife of Suburbia." Sure, I might have my Bachelors degree and am considering pursuing a Masters, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't examine all options, right?
Because of this and my propensity for all things reality TV, I have decided to devote this blog post to my musings on what my life would be like if I were to pursue the role of Suzy Homemaker a la trophy housewife of my neighborhood since I have been practicing my domestic skills as of late.
The children: If you've seen any of the Bravo Housewives, you'd know that they can be a bit over-the-top, for better or for worse. I'm assuming that I would be in the "for worse" category, proving to be the most obnoxious. Take the children, for example. I'm pretty sure I would be that housewife with approximately one child and five nannies. Everyone knows you need one nanny for waking up the child, one nanny for dressing it, one nanny for transporting the child to boarding school, one nanny for handling all of the problems with the child, and one nanny as back-up, because you seriously don't expect me actually to interact with the child. Of course not.
The cooking: I have been practicing for my stint as a trophy wife by learning how to cook -- an essential tool to insuring that my husband and child are well-fed when my professional cook is off-duty. Attire for the times when I bake will be as follows:
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| From Anthropologie |
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| From ModCloth |
 |
| Measuring spoons from Anthropologie |
 |
| Measuring cups from ModCloth |
The cleaning: Now, obviously, I will have a maid, housekeeper, full staff -- what have you -- but on the off chance that I have the urge to pick up a feather duster, I'm going to have to know how to clean. I'd say my strong points are washing dishes and doing the laundry, since both require minimal effort. I've also been known to make a mean bed, fluffing up the pillows and making sure everything looks just so. In this alternative utopian lifestyle as a trophy wife, aesthetics are everything, right down to the throw pillows.
So there you have it, my alternative universe as a "Real Housewife" of anywhere in the suburbs, white-picket fence, cute dog, and "Leave It to Beaver" theme-song included. I, in no way, mean to offend anyone who is actually a "Real Housewife" of somewhere, prefers to be a stay-at-home mom, or actually has a fifty person staff, as this is my imagination running wild due to boredom, lack of chocolate cake and minimal interaction with people other than my parents (oh, and don't forget my tendency towards the sarcastic.)
Just a little day-dreaming on a Friday afternoon to make me almost wish I was running around in heels while vacuuming.
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